my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
