i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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