fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
