you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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