Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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