I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
