worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
