And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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