Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
