if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
