And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
