You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
