well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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