Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
