this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
