After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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