Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
