is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
