I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
