i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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