i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
