he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a trapeze. enough said
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
