Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
