Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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