Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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