I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
