Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
