Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
