idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He better not be in your backpack
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
