I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
