Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
