his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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