I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is Oprah even human
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
