I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said her name was "party"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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