I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
