All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize