I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
