Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
