Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
