somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sext me about skeletons
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
