I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
