are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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