She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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