ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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