Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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