First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
