Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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