Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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