I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
