I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
