Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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