I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
