1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
