So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Randomize
